


What happened in there, actually?

by robot870



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Character, Dysphoria, Food Issues, Gen, Misgendering, Nonbinary Character, Starvation, Trans Character, implied autistic simmons, just a couple of friends talking about tough stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21929728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robot870/pseuds/robot870
Summary: Caboose reveals the truth about what he saw in the Labyrinth. Simmons has some truths to reveal as well.
Relationships: Michael J. Caboose & Dick Simmons
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> taking a bit of a break from the furry au while I rewatch the show for some inspiration!
> 
> I was thinking about the labyrinth in s17 and wanted to give a little more depth to the more jokey experiences that weren't expanded upon in the show. this chapter may be a bit hard to follow in its writing style because it's from caboose's point of view, but that's intentional, because caboose generally can't follow his thoughts all that well either.

Caboose sometimes didn't know how to say things. There were so many words, but somehow there were even more thoughts, and the words and thoughts were really hard to match up. It took a while to gather the words about what happened in the maze the scary computer made. But one day he was talking to his friend Simmons and he remembered what happened and he didn't mean to start talking but he started saying it.

He said, remember that time in that place that computer made, that one where there were two Carolinas? And Simmons said yeah, and he sounded like he did not want to talk about it, but Caboose _had_ to talk about it, because the words worked so hard to get there and it would just not be nice for him to ignore all that work. So Caboose said he was going to tell about what happened to him in there because he didn't know the words for it before, but he did now, and Simmons looked at him with the face that said he was curious because he liked to hear new things.

So Caboose said, I used to live on the moon in one of those big metal houses that had a lot of kids in it. Simmons said I know, you have said that before, so Caboose continued. He talked about how there were no dogs allowed there even though Caboose always wanted a puppy, and how the other boys called him mean things and the girls defended him so he had a lot of friends who were girls, and they said they were his sisters now. Simmons said okay, but what about the labyrinth, and Caboose looked away for a few seconds so he could make sure the words were still in the right order in his head.

He talked about how the people who were in charge of the big house on the moon were running out of money to take care of all the people living in the house, but it costed even more money to send some people away off the moon, so the house stayed full while the supplies got lower and lower. And Caboose ate a lot of food, Simmons laughed and said boy does he know that, but then he looked sad again when Caboose kept talking. The food was not very good on the moon so Caboose had to eat more than the other people to get enough energy to work and play and be awake. But there was not enough for that anymore, and even though Caboose got more rations, he gave the extra ones to his sisters because they were all hungry, even though Caboose was so hungry.

The way that story ends for real is when the army said we need more soldiers and Caboose was big and strong so they took him away from the moon and he got plenty of food and he got to make friends like Church and Agent Washington and you, Simmons, and there were not so many people on the moon any more so the ones who were left there were okay again. But in the computer (the labyrinth, Simmons corrected) that didn't happen. Caboose was still on the moon and it kept getting darker, and colder, and the house that was so loud and full of people got quiet and empty. People left and nobody said where they went but there was nowhere to go so he knew they had just died and they were being nice because they thought Caboose could not understand. He had been so, so hungry and everything hurt but the worst hurting was when he remembered Church and Sarge and Sheila and Donut and even Tucker and how he would never get to be friends with them or fight evil guys with them or make pancakes in the mornings when the base was all full of light from the rising sun.

It hurt but crying took energy he did not have, so he went to sleep on the bottom bunk of the cold empty bunk bed that did not shift with the movement of one of his sisters above. He wasn't hungry when he slept so he slept, and he didn't dream, and he tried not to be awake because thinking hurt. Simmons looked at Caboose with a very sad face. He said how were you able to get out of that on your own, that sounds horrible, and Caboose smiled because that was the good part. He had used his imagination to fight back against all the bad thoughts and the hunger and what was really that bad computer, and he imagined his friends there, and he felt this strength come into him, and he stood up, and suddenly the dark cold room wasn't there anymore. It was just gray and white walls and a black space which was still pretty cold and dark but it was definitely not the moon so he ran to where he heard voices and he found his friends and you know the rest, Simmons, you were there.

Simmons smiled a little even though he still looked sad. He looked at Caboose, who was tired from saying all those words and hoping they came out making sense, and he said, I have something to talk about too, is that okay. And of course it was okay, Simmons was his friend and he can talk about anything he wants, and Simmons did that sad smile again, and he sighed, and he said he had something to say about the labyrinth too. What he saw, and how there might have been jokes going around about it, but that wasn't the whole thing, and ugh, it was stupid, maybe he shouldn't talk about it, but Caboose said no, this is important. And he looked right at Simmons and Simmons nodded and said you know, you're right, you worked so hard to tell me all that, you deserve to know my truth too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> family, work, and a sudden cold kicked my ass, so this is a little later than I'd like, but thanks for your patience!

Simmons sighed as he started to gather his own thoughts. He really hadn't been planning to talk about this today, but any conversation with Caboose was bound to turn to something he didn't plan to talk about, so he should have expected this. The Labyrinth hadn't happened all that long ago, but he'd tried to put it as far out of his mind as possible. The nightmare the AI had put him in was terrible enough, but the humiliation of Grif walking in on and RECORDING the most embarrassing-out-of-context part was enough to make him want to destroy any memory of that day.

Still, he remembered it. And it was probably worth talking about, to someone at least. Caboose had just spilled his guts, anyway, and Simmons felt he owed the guy a story in return.

"So, this might take some explaining. So, I'm a guy, you know that. At least I hope you do."

"Yes, I do know that," Caboose said confidently, as if he had just passed a test.

Simmons allowed himself a small smile, but mentally prepared himself for a long explanation coming up.  
"Okay, so, people didn't always think I was a guy. Like, I was born with...parts...that made them think I was a girl instead."

Caboose stared blankly at Simmons for a few laborious seconds.

"Oh. Oh, I know about that kind of stuff. Some of my sisters were like that but in the other way where people thought they were boys before. And people say I am supposed to be a boy because of my body parts but I do not really care what they call me."

Now it was Simmons's turn to stare blankly. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but Caboose already knowing about and understanding trans people - and being nonbinary, based on the way he said it - was not what he had in mind.

"Oh. That's...good, I suppose? I'm glad you understand. So I can just...get right to the exposing my deepest fears and insecurities that were taken advantage of by an AI attempting to drive me to kill myself."

"Yeah, that is what we were doing, I think."

Simmons sighed and rubbed his eyes. This was Caboose, he wasn't going to make fun of him. He just had to...talk. He talked all the time. This should be coming easily. How did he talk to his therapist, back when he had one for that one year between running away and joining the military?

"So, like, I'm trans. I...have to live every day knowing that I wasn't born with the parts I'm 'supposed' to have. But somehow...the Labyrinth made me cis. You know what that means, right?"

"Why did the computer make you into chips?"

So much for Caboose knowing everything. "It's the opposite of being trans. Just...being the gender people say you are when you're born, mostly."

"Oh. Yeah. Like...uh...that guy was. From that place."

Caboose didn't say "neat," and he tried to recall a past event that was probably relevant, so that was enough understanding for Simmons. He continued.

"So I was...normal. What I had wanted to be for years. I had...well...a penis. Which sounds fucking ridiculous to say, wow, being excited about having a completely normal random piece of anatomy that means nothing, really-" His voice started to crack, not quite to obvious Simmons-Is-About-To-Cry level, but clearly showing his stress. Caboose leaned over and put his weight on the other man's shoulder, silently comforting him. Simmons took a deep breath and started again.

"I was cis, like I always wanted to be, but it was wrong. I was still treated like I wasn't. People...kept calling me a girl. They kept calling me my old name. It was like they didn't even care. They didn't care that I was doing everything right, that I wasn't f-faking it with stupid injections and a cracking voice and acne at 26, they just ignored it all and acted like I was a girl again. They said things my dad said to me just before I left, things only he would've known, only I would've known. And it wasn't just strangers. It was friends, teammates, people who'd never known me as my deadname." Simmons looked over at Caboose, who was staring intently at him as he spoke. "You were there, too. Just...calling me a girl like it was obvious that was what I was."

Caboose looked confused. "But I never thought you were a girl. I thought Donut was a girl a long time ago, because his armor is pink, but that was stupid, because Donut is not a girl and people were stupid when they told me that was a color only for girls."

Simmons didn't realize how much he had needed to hear that. Logically, he knew that the Labyrinth's dreams weren't real. But there was always a nagging feeling behind his interactions with his friends after the fact. Something in the back of his mind insisted that the things they had said were true, and they all saw through him, ready to call him out for 'actually being a girl' at any moment. Somehow, Caboose just saying the opposite, directly, to his face, in real life, was enough to snap him out of the cloud of doubt he had been stewing in for literally the entire time since the incident. It wasn't going to erase his self-doubt forever, but the pure genuineness of Caboose was a miracle in defusing the negative thought loops Simmons found himself in all the time.

Caboose began to fidget a little when Simmons realized had been silent for however long he had just been thinking. "So, ah, what happened, when Grif took that video? You did not talk about any aliens in the story yet."

Oh. Yeah. That part.

"Honestly, even I don't really know why that started. You know how sometimes dreams turn into completely random things that don't make any sense, but you just accept them as real?" Caboose looked like he was about to start telling an elaborate story about a previous dream of his, so Simmons quickly added a "Rhetorical question, don't answer that," before continuing. "I guess I like a lot of sci-fi and nerd stuff, so the Labyrinth saw that in my brain and was just like, hey, that must be something important to him I can exploit! Let's try that! So it made a fucking alien try join in on the misgendering and insist it needed to "correct" my body, which was clearly wrong, because I was obviously a girl. Which sucked. And of COURSE Grif had to walk in right then. And record it. And show the video to everyone behind my back, and I don't even know how many of the others know I'm trans so I don't know how many times I'm going to need to have this exact conversation if I don't want to be mocked for it for the rest of my life, or maybe I'll just let people mock me for it instead of outing myself, or maybe I'll just die, I don't know!"

Simmons seemed to deliver the entire rant in one breath, and Caboose looked...kind of scared, actually. Simmons felt bad. He didn't mean to launch a verbal version of his constant brain hell directly at the poor guy. But Caboose didn't really look betrayed or insulted, more just...worried. He had sat up, moving himself off of Simmons's shoulder, and he went in for a hug. Simmons accepted it. He wouldn't have brought up a serious subject around Caboose if he wasn't prepared for a hug when he inevitably started tearing up, or breaking down, or whatever sort of mental chaos he would end up triggering. Caboose was big, and his hugs felt safe, if a little constricting. Simmons liked the pressure, though. He leaned into the hug, and Caboose mumbled into his back.

"We both had hard times that are really hard to talk about. Thank you for telling all that to me. Thank you for letting me talk to you. You are a good friend."

Okay, yeah, Simmons was definitely full-on crying now. Caboose didn't seem to mind his shirt getting wet with tears and snot, though. Simmons had a feeling this had happened with almost every member of their friend group at this point. They hugged each other for a while, and Simmons slowly calmed down enough to step away and go to the bathroom to clean himself up. They ran into each other again next in the hallway, Caboose with a fresh shirt, and nodded at each other silently before Caboose ran off yelling at Tucker, who he had spotted at the other end of the hall.

Maybe Simmons would tell someone else, eventually. Maybe he'd write a memo or something that only Wash, Carolina and Donut would read, and tell Grif in one of their nightly chats about whatever crossed their mind. Maybe. Maybe Caboose would let it slip when talking to Tucker and Tucker would insist on hearing it from Simmons himself, who knows. For now it was good enough to just have the one person in the know and the awful anxiety off his chest for now. As ditzy as he could seem, Caboose was one of the best people to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory disclaimer just in case someone gets the wrong idea: please note that every trans person's experience/emotions are different, and I'm not implying simmons's thoughts are the only way to be trans! I'm a trans man myself and I based his thoughts off a combination of mine and others I've seen, along with what we see of his actual personality in the show.


End file.
